Don't let the door hit ya in the ASS, 2012

A YEAR I HAVE VERY FEW WORDS FOR REALLY....

Music explains more...although it's a blog so here are some words too....along with music and a list...wouldn't be a good blog without me taking a list and numbering that shit!

The butterfly counts not months but moments,

and has time enough.  

~Rabindranath Tagore

2012 is coming to an end and 2013 is coming to a start.  What a fucking year over here in Kitty’s Sarcasm- land.  I mean a year of insane shit.   Some of you know what I am talking about, some of you know a lil bit and some of you are new….so…

I started this Kitty’s Sarcasm page back in November 2011, just had my close girlfriends on it.  Then in February of this year with the separation from the Husbandship and all that (I took a lil break for month)….then….
March rolled around this year and I thought, why the hell not grow this page a lil and see what happens, I had gotten a few friends of friends that liked the page and why not….
By April I had 200 fans and so on…

Here we are December 31, 2012 and slowly we grew from 36 Manalopes & Bitchachos to 1800+ of pure awesomeness!  There have been some assholes banned but man…they sure did entertain and give us something to vent about, didn't they???!!!  I will never forget the gal who thought I was immoral (wait, which one!), the guy who says his last name was bible and crazies I got to know who ended up not being anything but one person with lots of time on their hands and multiple accounts made up! Haha  Oh the fun and lessons learned!

There are pages that grow to our size in a month or week, but for us…it took a good 9 months and I have to say I wouldn't change it for a thing.  KS brought me something to focus on while dealing with a separation and then sadly a divorce set in motion over the summer.  The big D finally finished up in the Fall.  Then between Fall and Winter I decided to get myself around the H-ship again, thinking we could focus on friendship and really take a look into why we always seem to fail when together.  What I hadn’t planned on came to me in loads & loads, CLOSURE.

Who knew.  Any regret I may have had was slowly (yet quickly) washed away.  I learned a whole lot this year about myself and people in general.  Instead of rambling on like a mad woman, I am going to list the shit out.  There is still time if you have a lesson to learn…so read this and make sure you learned something valuable this year.  If you didn't you may want to rethink your time on Facebook and the Internet.

1.  Some lessons you have to learn over and over.  Sometimes the first time wasn't enough, or the second, third …sometimes you gotta just keep at that shit!
2.  No matter how much you do for someone there is a chance they will not only shit on you, they will also continue to act like they aren't shitting on you while they do.
3.  The friend who fucks up over and over and then plays dumb about it, is actually not your friend at all, this year  I learned what a true “frenemy”  was.
4.  I can light a fire in my fireplace and not set off the smoke alarm!
5.  I am not responsible for you or your actions.
6.  I wont tolerate a liar in my personal life.  Professionally, there isn’t much I can do, but at home…no thank you!
7. Religious people piss me off.  No one cares to hear about how many Sundays you went to church, no one cares how blessed you are right after listening to you call your child a selfish asshole.  I learned that people who talk about it over and over are usually the ones trying to convince themselves that they are good. 
8. Watching wrestling with the Kitten has been awesome!  Seeing her enjoy something like that just makes my heart happy!!  Oh and Rowdy Roddy Piper follows Kitty’s Sarcasm on Twitter.  Yah, all cause the Kitten one day said, you should do twitter too! lol A commercial thing for WWE and yah…here we are….all of our posts on FB go to Twitland and things are good.  I learned that it’s fun to be a kid again.  I had forgotten that over the past year or two before.  Had been focusing on grown up shit…yah…that shit is BORING!  MORE KID FUN = BETTER LIFE!
9.  Through the dark comes the sparkle.  Thank you to the faithful Manalopes & Bitchachos who have been with me since Spring time.  It was a dark time in my life, learning to live again…I learned that complete strangers sometimes are better friends than the people who are in your everyday life and just too busy to check in on you or have a minute for anyone other than themselves. 
10.  I am “that friend" that is constantly calling and checking in with people (when I say constant I mean, I am the caller-the person reaching out 99% of the time)in my life.  I also came to a realization that I am tired of making sure everyone is okay.  Call me selfish, but in 2013,  I am going to worry about me and the Kitten.  The rest can eat tomatoes.   It’s not my job to make people happy.  It’s my job to raise a wonderful human and make the world a better place…that is it.  I am over being the person everyone calls when they need something rather than just to say hello to.   Not everyone in my life does this apply to, but a majority it does.  A true friend is that, true.    I think I know who the true are.  We will see.  Leaving many people in the dust of 2012 and I am okay with that. 
11. Even with nothing, in the depths of despair and ruin…you can survive and rise up.  Choose your attitude and deal with the turmoil one thing at a time.  Sparkle, Think Positive and Let PINK take over!  (I aint jokin’ here!)
12. There isn't anything that can be handed over to me – positive or negative – that I cannot “HANDLE”!  I got it. 
13.  I may trip sometimes; I may fumble sometimes… but mostly… the most important reminder of 2012…. With the right attitude I can conquer EVERYTHING!  I got this!  Shooooot!

      I leave it like that.  Thirteen things I learned, relearned or had a refresher on.  One thing I take away from 2012 is that I can love, I can trust, I can give….and even when disappointed by others, I can continue to do these things without too much bitterness trailing alongside me.   

PMA!  Super important!  POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE!  

s    

     

       Oh and one last thing….

    I want to try and live each day like it’s December!      You know… like the Holidays are here with me all the time.  
        Smell stuff, listen to stuff, sing more,         dance more,laugh more….LIVE!

Instead of 12 months of 2013, I plan to have one long DECEMBER!  I sure hope I can remember each day!  Maybe a sign posted in the bathroom mirror will be needed, either way…it’s happening!

SWEET BABY PINK BEAR COMIN' FOR 2013!

“Well, I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if 
I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.” 
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

So there it is!  Nothing Sarcastic or funny…just a lil blog about the year ending and a new year beginning.  Taking over with Sparkles and PINK as usual but with more purpose than before.... I hope you can hear what it is that is not being said here....it's the most important!

“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life 
span is a mere five to fourteen days.” 
― Ellen DeGeneres,

OKAY!  HERE IT IS.....

I AM WELCOMING 2013 with OPEN ARMS!  

Much love and success to all my 

MANALOPES & BITCHACHOS!  

Let's do something great this year!!!

Boyfriend in a Box

Dear Kitty,

My boyfriend asked me if we are going to exchange gifts this year for Christmas.  I asked him what he thought.  He said he thought we should just not do it and spend the money on "our loved ones".  We have been dating for a year and serious for close to 7 months by Christmas.  I am so shocked and hurt.  How could I not be considered a loved one?  I quickly got off the phone with him and didn't say anything.  I already bought his gift.  My best friend says I should return it because he avoidably doesn't care enough to know how important this holiday is to me.  My sister says that giving is for giving and not for getting and to give him the gift if I love him and that I need to ignore my best friend's advice.  I am writing to you to ask what you think.  I know you give blunt honest and fun answers.  Please throw in some real advice for me too!  I am just so torn on what to think, feel and do here.

Megan

Dear Megan -

I have a whole lot to say to you, thank you for writing in.  This is a perfect topic for all of us (Manalopes & Bitchachos) to discuss.  

First of all, the advice I give is real.  I do not consult a magic eight ball, although now that I think about it... I am going to have to do that from time to time.  Great idea.  I was a bit miffed by your suggestion that I am not providing "real" advice, but with your same suggestion you gave me an idea to improve Advice Wednesday, with a magic eight ball - YOU ARE REDEEMED!

About this boyfriend not knowing how important Christmas is to you....
Is your boyfriend one of those plastic and tinfoil models straight out of the box that comes with instructions and mind reading capabilities?  Not everyone is in love with Christmas like you and I.  He may not be into it and feels like he is obligated to give to his family and will do it but it's ok to be himself with you.  
He may also have 3 other girlfriends and figures that buying for four just isn't in the stars this year.  I mean how embarrassing would it be if you all ran into one another with the same necklace with a "his" charm on it. 
He may also just be a normal guy and not have a clue about gift giving  - again if you want him to know something you have to tell him.  Not all guys are natural givers of the gifts.  

About your sister and your bestfriend - Who is in a normal relationship that is lasting?  Go with that one.  If neither ignore 'em both!  And quite honestly, it's not a matter of doing what someone tells you to, it's about asking yourself some questions:



1.) Do you love this guy?
2.) Do you feel his love back?
3.) What did this guy do for your birthday?
4.) Is your boyfriend a mind reader?
5.) How serious are you and your boyfriend?
6.) Can your boyfriend afford a gift?
7.) How important is a gift to you, truly?
8.) What is it you want for Christmas? (You can always just get it for yourself after you return his gift if that is the way you go)
9.) Is your refrigerator running?
10.) Is this man worth all of this stress?  How old are you guys?

So there you have it.  I cannot answer your question or fix your dilemma, I do not have enough information.  With that being said, feel free to give me more details so I can give it to you like you want it.

With the information you have provided I am going to go with - Take that shit back and get yourself something real nice.  This is of course assuming your boyfriend is a mind reader or you have already told him how important this is to you.  I mean c'mon...this isn't about a gift - it's about him saying "loved ones" and you feeling insecure about not being loved.  I am going to throw a handle full of marbles in the dark and guess that you have no idea where your relationship is at with this guy and are grasping for some sort of sign or something... HONEY, HERE IS THE ONLY SIGN YOU WILL GET!

~*Kitty*~

Crimes I cannot List

I had one of those day that just was a real pisser.  Reason being...no real good reason at all.  I suppose lack of sleep, the healing feet that aren't quite where they should be in the process, the kitten is sick with a viral chest cold thing, it's raining like cats n dogs (which normally, I love but..not when I have to wear flip flops while my feet heal up)... Yah...that's all I got.   


Anything else I bring up could be used against me in a Ukrainian court of llamas or some sort of Chinese work camp detention time out clinic.  I had this great idea for a blog.  



I had words spewing from my brain.  I did not have a pen and paper, I did not have a computer and just as I was opening up an app to type in my phone, the sucker died on me.

Big Lessons...

I am going to focus on my now blank brain and say to myself, wasn't meant to be written about.  I mean seriously, I hear llamas like thick girls for lunch and I am just not up for being violently torn apart limb by limb and eaten alive...nope...not me...not today.

So instead I am taking a prescription for musical calming and restoration.  

Here is what is on the list so far...
So sit down if you're having one of those days you want to shout about and possibly scream about and breathe with me.

There is no use worrying.  Let it go... Well, I am trying to because Lord knows I look good in pink skirts like Sargent Llama but not so well behind behind metal bars like our fellow Kitty's Army Sublieutenant, Squeakers..  

It could be worse is what I keep telling myself.  I could just blab it all out and end up in serious 'ish with all this and to be quite honest...I have a moisture-pak in my hair to deep condition it, if they came for me now, I wouldn't have time to rinse.  Now that is a mess I am not willing to let take place!  If I am going down for serious crimes of  "I cant list them sorry", I need my hair did right!


   

Now where the hell was I?

Oh, yes...music, breathing and where is the peace-pipe that goes along with this fantasy I am going to sell myself to feel to better?  Anyone?  Puff Puff Pass? C'mon...

 
It just seriously comes down to passive aggressive people who assume they are smarter than everyone around them.  I have a few options but honestly, being I have a heart that is empty of hate and a mind that is sharp like a razor blade (most of the time), I am taking the elevator to the next floor instead.  Seriously, who needs this kind of crap.  I mean just say how you feel and act how you are.  I have to admit being around someone like this makes it hard not act the same way and I am just sick to my stomach over what I am becoming being around it.  I am soooooo over it.  So maybe a cell with a pink skirt is calling my name.  Maybe I will be a llama's lunch, but by, God... I will get off on the next floor afterward and say, don't trip on your way down stairs, sir!  Hell is waiting for you!
Ok, I am ranting.  Need to get back to listening to the tunes as prescribed by Dr. DMO.  Oh and btw, if you are reading this and you know the DMO, we may have a blog collaboration coming on at some point in the future, so that makes me feel all sparkly and definitely less homicidal.

I just remembered... I forgot to rinse my hair! For fuck's sake, it's gonna fall out isn't it!  Just let the Llama eat me and the Chinese give me a time out.  A bald Kitty...

WAIT, WOAH... Gotta stop myself.


HAHA!  I am finally laughing.  I almost went on a rant about a bald Kitty. I will let you all take over for me.

Thanks for the drugs, DMO, and thanks for the Therapy to all my Manalopes & Bithachos!

Give me the pills and no one gets HURT

I am feeling like a floating fairy panda.  The Vicodin has kicked in full force and my broken big toe is not killing me.  A broken toe isn’t so bad, but when you break it 36 hours after having foot surgery because you slipped in some mud and slid like a ballerina on ice – you know some sorta fucked up ice-charades or capades or whatever you call it….just imagine Kitty sliding in mud on flip flops in her bandaged toes and KA-BOOM she hits the ground in slow motion and is covered in mud.  

So today I was a mess more than yesterday.  Finally broke down and picked up meds from pharmacy.  

Here is a conversation I had via msgr with the Queen Bitch from DMO today while trying to get my drugs...:

Kitty: what a shit show. so irritating. I am laughing about it now but the new wrong pharmacy says my bday isn't my bday so my insurance isn't working. I looked at her and said look u wanna see my id too. I know my bday. my toe is killing me I just stood in line for 30 mins at my pharmacy to find out it is actually at this one and waited 15 mins for u to tell me I don't know my bday or insurance all of a sudden forgot it???? she said well you can call them yourself if you want. I said no and asked what it was without insurance. She said 12.60$ . So you are stressing me over 13 bucks lady? just give it to me! she says u have to pay... Duh lady. Fucking retards. So I saw a sign as we walked out by a Xmas tree asking about a new pharmacy made the kitten pose and we hustled over to the grocery store because I forgot to order laundry soap and then found james bond to amuse me. Home now.... not doing anything else. the world can fuck right off.

Kitty: I am laughing btw. All is good.

TBQ: not for long! yer gonna kill me! i just posted our conversation to dmo wall..yer gonna leave me and take the kids and goldfish now right? i'm just watching 'UP!' the cartoon, i am so in love with this movie man! i am crying with laughter! i'll be back at commercials to check yer vitals and make sure you haven't died yet! xoxoxo

Long

 Long story short this minor lil procedure on my feet is seriously fucked on so many levels.  However, now that I am wonderfully numb and high on the vic….who cares!  Just cut the fuckers off and let me become the old lady that is always taking her shoes off to show everyone her lil piggies that she has named, Nub 1-10! 

“Get a load of my NUBS!”

If you don’t follow what I am saying no worries. Most don’t when I am sober.  And now that I am not….you’re doomed for sure.  I sure hope TBQ makes my toe caskets in hot pink and black.

Dirty Mouth Mama

 Dear Kitty,

I am married now for 12 years and am so out of the dating scene.  I would not know where to start.  I know you are recently single, not sure if you are dating or not.  What I am trying to say is this…I have a friend who is single and she and I were talking about her experiences as we do each week and catching up.  Then she started to talk to me about being afraid to get pregnant so she just gives oral sex.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I asked her what about disease?  What about coming off like a blow job whore?  I upset her.  I was so shocked that she would even think in this day in age to be doing that with someone she isn't invested in or a relationship with.  I know I handled it wrong by freaking out.  I need to know how to talk to her and how get her to see she is not only disrespecting herself but she is putting her life in danger.

Mary

Dear Mary,

Thanks for writing in to us.  I can see your frustration.  Oral sex is no joke for sure.  I once knew a girl who got a neck injury while in the act.  No joke, she was a mess for a week!!  Serious stuff. 

While I see your concern for your friend, and yes she is being a fucking idiot, I think you need to mind your own business.  If she wants to live the whore life and get clap to the mouth or herp of the gums, it’s her prerogative.  As her friend if you are uncomfortable talking to her about it ask her to keep her hooker-a-thon stories to herself.  Otherwise it’s your own fault.  No need to be mad her.  She is likely just not so bright.  There is no true “safe” sex.  There is enough education and talk about it in the states that I think she should know best and knows the facts but is just ignoring them.  I am not sure why you would want to know how to talk to her.

If it was my friend I would say this, “You are acting like a whore, don’t call me when your teeth fall out and you cannot swallow from the clap!” and I would leave it at that.

Bottom Line:

Not your life, mouth or sex life.  Either you accept her for who she is or you don’t.  You decide but set boundaries with conversations otherwise it’s your own damn fault.  Got it?  Good.

Might be you are a little jealous she is out and about?  

Think about it.  

Why would you be so upset like this?

Yes, you may be concerned for her health, but this isn’t your teenager we are talking about.

By the way, you’re welcome.  Now go get some and be grateful the person you are getting some from is the same person each time.

Smoochie,

Kitty

P.S.  Kitty is perfectly happy being single to answer your wonderment on my dating life.  I am having a love affair with, ME!

DONT HAVE A COW MAN

Dear Kitty,

Your post today which pictured Bart from the television show, The Simpsons, writing on a chalk board, MIT ROMNEY IS A FU#*@NG LIAR, had to be the most distasteful post ever posted on your page.  I have been a fan for several months thought you had one of the more tasteful pages out there with humor and sarcastic nature.  I can handle the cursing and weird posts sometimes, but calling Mit a liar?  Do you know anything about Mitt?  Our country is in diar straights.  The only thing that will fix it will be getting the current President out of office and having Mit fix our country.  I have clicked unlike on your page and will no longer be following your posts.  I wanted to send you a message to let you know why and am hoping you will rethink being hateful in the future.  Not everyone wants to know your political views.  If you want to keep readers think about that.

God Bless America,

Kristine

Dear Kristine (or as I refer to you) Sheep Woman,

My ADHD has me all kinds of everywhere right now!  I am trying to figure out where to start with you and your letter.  Today I was given advice about a business letter I was writing and it was suggested I make it less wordy and use bullet points.  I am going to go that route so that I do not spontaneously blow the fuck up or end up writing a novel.  
Here it is:

• Mitt Romney is spelled incorrectly.  If you are going to stand behind a candidate learn to spell their name.
• Think twice before asking someone if they know about something that you, yourself cannot spell and most likely have only heard about from what others have told you - rather than through fact finding for yourself.  #SHEEP
• FUCK YOU and Get a Sense of HUMOR
• The post didn't say, FU#*@NG, it said: FUCKING
• You are correct that not everyone wants to know my political views.  I want to remind you or inform you that no one here on KS truly knows what my personal views are.  I post things to evoke reaction, humor, FUN! Even if it is poking fun at something I dont believe in.  
• I want to only keep readers with a sense of humor.  I am glad you left.
• Get a sense of HUMOR and FUCK YOU  
• I am not Bart Simpson.  I am Kitty.  The post was of a smart-ass cartoon character- you do realize Bart is not real, RIGHT???
• DIAR STRAIGHTS?  <--what does that mean?  Are you talking about, Dire Straits the band?  Money for nothing and the chics for free?  Now that might be something we can agree on...I want my money for nothing and my chics for free!
• I WANT MY MTV and while I am having it, GO FUCK YOURSELF.
• I am blessed already, if you have seen posts with photos of me you will see that this lady is blessed with not only with the gift of sarcasm, brains and personality but I am HOT HOT HOT.  I think you might want to start praying for your own blessings, I saw your profile pic and Facebook page!
• As for the most distasteful post you have seen, woah!  Hold on!  You jumped ship way too soon!  It's not even Celebrate We Killed the Natives Day!  Something tells me that you will still be creepin' on the page!!  See you around Thanksgiving! 

There you have it, Kristine.  My bullet points to answer your message.  I appreciate your feed back and anytime you want me to tell you to go FUCK YOURSELF, feel free to write in again!

While I may have typos and grammar issues in my response  the one four letter word I support I can spell.  I am sure you have not learned a lesson here, enjoy the pasture, Sheep!

I will leave it to the Manalopes and Bitchachos to pipe in or add anything if I am missing something!

*~*Kitty*~*

What's Next?

Question to all my fire-y thinking crazies....do you listen to pod casts?  I have recently found some great pod casts!  I wanna hear what you listen to. Or am I the only one out of all of us here?  Plug your fave pod casts on the page or tell me about it to share!  I will share too if anyone has interest, I never know with you all…  I will be writing a blog on one I recently listened to that sparked so many things inside me.  While I am spouting off...I am pretty sure I am in love with @KatieMcVay !  I will share her stuff later in my blog.  She is insanely genius without even knowing it and to boot (yes, I fuckin said "to boot") she is a comedian and hilarious (we all know just because you call yourself a comedian doesn't mean you are funny).  She has it all.  Unknown genius, hilarity and in my mind because I have not seen her yet (googling her youtube stuff next) she is a pixie looking sparkling nomad.  I mean if that isn't love at first sight or hear or word of mouth...

I sent her the world’s worst tweet (seriously - the tweet made no fucking sense at all and was all kinds of dumb - she may block me for being an idiot and assume I am a 12 year old stalker rather than the 34 year old crazy Kitty - either way, I think she may be frightened by me already) after listening to her get interviewed on WWD by @MartyDeRosa  (only took me a week to finish the podcast because I am surrounded by assholes that expect me to participate in LIFE). 

For all the new Bitchachos and Manalopes to twitter and to our fb page... if you tweet follow me/us {saying “us” because from time to time I have help, not just the voices within, on our fb page and you should follow Marty and Katie} on twitter @KittysSarcasm .  Everything I post here goes straight to the twitter feed plus much more having to do with just me and whomever I am currently obsessed with. 

Back on track…Kat!!  The only thing about this current pretend love affair with Katie is that she is 24, doesn't want kids and she lives in Chicago so it isn't a love connection.

We were so close to making it happen...oh well. 

Maybe she will make it to Seattle one day and I can see her live at least at a show.  I am thinking she is the kind of girl who would dig my idea of bolting (or for PETA’s sake … Safely Strapping) guns, lazer beams and bazookas to animals before sending them out to battle zombies...maybe not (if not, it’s ok…she can’t be perfect).  I should just be blogging...ok...taking my love elsewhere for the moment.  Smoochie!  *~Kitty~* PS:  MY ADHD took me to youtube before I posted this so here is something from that lil gal pal of mine.  Show her love.  She is here on Facebook under,  Yell You Better.  Same for Youtube: Yell You Better.

Ok, so here it is, the above was going to be a plain fb post...but nah that didn't fuckin happen.   I just turned this post into a blog, why the fuck not…my ADHD is slightly off today due to the fact that I just realized I hadn't taken my meds!  

Woah, here you are, here I am…if you are still reading…just do me a favor and ask yourself….are you excited for what comes next, like the kind of excited that sprouts inspiration or thoughts of an instant dance party?  Or are you bored out of your gourd?  I thought about painting or carving a gourd this year instead of a pumpkin…I chickened out feeling creepered out at the ugly vege starring at me.   IF YOU ARE BORED, just close this baby up and be on your way…maybe you could write a letter to me and let me know what it is you hated.  All my Manalopes and Bitchachos know how much I love the hater fan mail!  

Give it to me!

Ok, so what was I blogging about?

Ahhhh...yes...

It’s amazing how one thing leads you to another thing and really I could connect the dots all the way back to my youth but that story is seriously for another day.  I will talk about that at some point.  I am just not feelin it now.  Long story short, my youth should be a lifetime movie and I may just in-fact sell the rights one day when they give me the entrance ticket to the white padded room with a FREE bonus hug me jacket!  I often wonder who I would have play me?  I can’t think of anyone currently famous….so thank God I have, Kitten…I will just groom her to take the roll.  Then they can make a sequel when she is grown about how her life was being groomed for a movie role playing her mother…wow, I need to think this out… Dollar Signs flashing in my retinas.  Yeah-Yeah.

OK…so back to Katie and the podcast question…

I listen to a podcast called Wrestling With Depression (WWD).  You may think to yourself, it must be all  about wrestling…because you see the posts of a Zombie CM Punk or the mentions of Kitten and I watching PPV wrestling shows and our rituals of watching it during the week.  Or the fact that we just went to our first show.   

You Are Wrong.  ß I love saying that.  Imagine me saying it in a judgemental and not making you feel better Dr. Phil way.

The dude who hosts the show is an avid wrestling fan but the show is about other stuff.  I am just not fucking doing it justice here…

http://www.wrestlingwithdepression.com

Bottom Line à It kicks ass and talks about the issues people today face with depression, mental illness, anxiety, social situations and on and on.  I am sure you are saying in your head, why the frick would I want to listen to that depressing shit…well here is why…Mary DeRosa is the host, he is a Chicago comedian who just kicks ass on the mic and has had struggles with depression (I have to get credit to Kitten who made me pick my favorite wrestler this year sometime in March, but doing that she said oh good now use your twitter  and keep me updated….anyways…I found Marty through that all –tracking with me still???).  Ok, back to Marty - he interviews all sorts of characters and it is just plain brilliant.  Anywhoooo…that is how I came to learn about Katie McVay.  She was on the show earlier this month.   Admittedly, I also have a crush on Marty…he knows it, or in my head he knows it, regardless if I believe it it is true (I read that on the internet so you know it’s the haps).  I wonder if he and Katie fight over me in their comings and goings….hmmm…conversations take place like:

Katie: That Kitty sent me the oddest tweet today, who the hell is Kitty and why are you following her, Marty?

Marty: Who?

Katie: Who the fuck cares…maybe she will write in to Yell You Better and I can yell at her…

Marty:  Are you talking about the chic from that band? Oh wait..the chic that I need to get a restraining order from before I am in WA next month…thanks for the reminder…

Katie: Why the fuck are we talking about this… yah… um… so… yah… um… so… yah… um… so… yah… um… so… yah… um… so…

Wait, where am I?
I am off track, thank, God I am used to it here! At some point you probably started noticing all the typos and non-words thrown around...GET OVER IT!

Here is what I want to know… do my Manalopes and Bitchachos listen to podcasts and what they are/about. 

I want my single & dating and not so dating Manalopes & Bitchachos to listen to WWD’s episode with Katie and give it a shot.  It’s about an hour and twenty minutes.  Listen in traffic – where ever - I mean there has to be a safe median with wifi, right?  Or safer would be to do it in some form of transportation, get some metal around you!  My only disclaimer would be:  if you attempt to do it while working or at work it may be a week or more long event of 5-10 minutes here and there ßBUT TOTALLY WORTH IT. 

Now I feel like I am losing my mojo and feeling like I am just sucking at selling this…

So just fuckin think to yourself…actually …NO…don’t think!  Say out loud the following….

“I WILL GIVE IT A GO AND LISTEN FOR 38 minutes before I make a decision”.   

I am thinking about all the topics I could cover here right now but I would rather just post some videos and have you check Marty and Katie out.  

Do IT!


After you listen to the podcast-message me.  I want to talk about the part with the umbrellas.  One of the best ADVICE WEDNESDAYS we have had here, I posted a letter we got about online dating. 

Since I have  brought up online dating…thank you for the messages encouraging me to get out there and date and explore the world but here is the thing….

I don’t think I am ready.  I am so afraid to get hooked on the love potion again that I am handicapping myself on purpose.  Blaze, who is a former admin of our fb page has posted before the video shorts of “Kit” from Failure to Launch.  It’s true,  I am nuts.  She is correct and not the first person to tell me that the character is sooo like me!  She also has posted about my Elizabeth Taylor status…yes in a way true too…I think I just love weddings…ya know.   The dress, the cake, the music…next time I consider getting serious with anyone – someone in my life needs to throw me a freakin party instead!  This last divorce cost me a pretty penny emotionally and financially… A party and some therapy would have been much cheaper!  I need to work on relationships with people who do not fall in love with me in 10 minutes and on the part of me that isn't in love with being in love.  

I blame Barbie.   I had a shit ton of them as a kid…I would have weddings and love stories.   How come no one told me that fairy tales aren't real?  And on that note I think Ken is to fucking blame too.  I swear his plastic body brainwashed me into be attracted to dudes who can’t take care of themselves.  The anatomy alone on a Ken doll explains a whole fucking lot now that I think about it.  Thanks, Matel and everyone fucking else who let me day dream about Barbie weddings and perfect people!  Where the hell is the Disney movie about the weird girl who changes her mind a lot and is horrible with relationships?  Hmmm?  Tell me?  If I wasn't so freakin broke from getting divorced I would produce each one of those princess movies all over again with real endings.

Tangent…oops!  Where am I?

Ah, yeaaahhh… I am here eating a chicken fajita burrito bowl from, Chipotle …scrump …and writing a fb post turned blog because I finally finished the WWD podcast and got all twitter pated over people I don’t know and will probably never meet…

Are you sure you should be reading this blog still? I mean… Why are we doing this right now?  This bowl is so delicious – you need to have one pronto!

Here is something to think about…but wait…before that…does anyone know how to clean a laptop’s key board that needs more help than a can of air?

Where was I?

Oh yah…back to “Here is something to think about…”:

What's Next?

Dangerous Library

No entries this week for ADVICE WEDNESDAY. Guess what I have some advice anyways!!!  

When at the library do not walk, read, wander and day dream all at once.  Today someone "I know" was just minding her own business - walking around, reading, wandering and day dreaming when all of a sudden 

- wait for it....  wait for it.... -

She tripped over her own foot, caught herself from a nose dive and somehow wrenched the heck out of her neck.  "She" told me she is now sitting on her couch with a hot neck wrap because when she turns her head it sends a thunderbolt down her neck.  

So my advice - DO NOT TRY THIS AT THE LIBRARY!  

On the bright side "she" was able to check out the movie, Bringing Up Baby with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant!  Still not sure if that was worth it for "her"!  

Love your Pecker

Dear Kitty -

I have a nice rash today that is turning a light purple in the middle where it was a blotchy red.  Any ideas on how to cure crotch rash?

Itchy Rash 





Dear Itch Rash -

I suggest a flaming torch.  Burn it off!  

Wrap your pecker dude!

Thanks for the bullshit letter.  I am not responsible for the response you will get from the Manalopes and Bitchachos!  In fact I encourage them all to give you a nice piece of advice here!

*~*Kitty*~*

DISCLAIMER:

REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A FUN BLOG FULL OF SARCASM AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT.  WE ARE NOT DOCTORS, PSYCHOLOGIST OR PEOPLE WHO SHOULD GIVE ADVICE...THE FACT THAT YOU ASKED FOR IT, IS WHY YOU ARE GETTING IT.

Ex's Exess

Dear Kitty -

As many of us here on your page do have EX's that we have offspring with I wanted to ask this.... 

My ex has started dating someone (well it's been few a 

someones). I'm upset that my ex introduced these 

someone's  to our children very quickly -  what is the right 

amount of time before you should introduce your children to 

a boyfriend/girlfriend?  Do I have the right to demand to 

meet this person who will be around my children?

- Concerned Casey

Dear Concerned Casey -

Legally, (and remember I only play an attorney on televison)

I do not think you have a leg to stand on... so I hope

you have a comfy chair.  You can however ask him nicely;

you do risk him just assuming you are jealous. All you can 

do is be an example on your side of things.  When the kids

aren't with you, you cannot control what he is deciding to do 

as a parent.

I guess my first thought is -->

If you have an okay relationship and can co-parent well, just 

ask nicely and try not to come across like you want to kill 

him for being a freaking space cadet about this.  

My next thought is -->

If you do not get a long you should consider just ignoring it.  

I know that you have your children's best interest in mind, 

but causing waves and a fight with the ex will effect the kids 

too.

Another thought -->

If you plan to try and get him to let you meet the new 

women first --> make sure you are okay with that too.  

Anyone you have the kids around that he doesn't know he 

needs to meet first as well.  

I had a friend who went through this on and off for

3 years.  Her man finally settled down.  

All you can do be a good mom to them and not worry.  

Now if you think these multitudes of women are all

crack whores or something dangerous, maybe 

call the authorities.  You unfortunately cannot stop him 

from dating stupid girls.  It's his prerogative.

Or.... and I save the big OR for last...

Mace the ex each time he does this.  He will eventually stop 

dating all together due to his eyes being in constant burn 

mode and the feeling as if he has hot lava pouring down his 

face.

OR

How about a nice glass of Jack or Jose' and hot 

bath...maybe you two can rekindle the love?

OR...

Give me his number, I will call him up and explain calmly 

who I am and why I am now in charge of his every

move.  I am sure that will work!!!

OR (and last OR):

When we march on the Zombies we can hit his place too!!

I think I have lost my mojo!  I plan to take that back too when I see your ex on our march to eliminate the Zombie threat.  I am assuming he stole it by being such an ass-hat.  I am guessing a few Manalopes and/or Bitchachos will pipe in as well.  

In the end you are stuck with this ass-hat and his trolling penis ways until he settles down.

*~*~Kitty~*~*