Don't let the door hit ya in the ASS, 2012

A YEAR I HAVE VERY FEW WORDS FOR REALLY....

Music explains more...although it's a blog so here are some words too....along with music and a list...wouldn't be a good blog without me taking a list and numbering that shit!

The butterfly counts not months but moments,

and has time enough.  

~Rabindranath Tagore

2012 is coming to an end and 2013 is coming to a start.  What a fucking year over here in Kitty’s Sarcasm- land.  I mean a year of insane shit.   Some of you know what I am talking about, some of you know a lil bit and some of you are new….so…

I started this Kitty’s Sarcasm page back in November 2011, just had my close girlfriends on it.  Then in February of this year with the separation from the Husbandship and all that (I took a lil break for month)….then….
March rolled around this year and I thought, why the hell not grow this page a lil and see what happens, I had gotten a few friends of friends that liked the page and why not….
By April I had 200 fans and so on…

Here we are December 31, 2012 and slowly we grew from 36 Manalopes & Bitchachos to 1800+ of pure awesomeness!  There have been some assholes banned but man…they sure did entertain and give us something to vent about, didn't they???!!!  I will never forget the gal who thought I was immoral (wait, which one!), the guy who says his last name was bible and crazies I got to know who ended up not being anything but one person with lots of time on their hands and multiple accounts made up! Haha  Oh the fun and lessons learned!

There are pages that grow to our size in a month or week, but for us…it took a good 9 months and I have to say I wouldn't change it for a thing.  KS brought me something to focus on while dealing with a separation and then sadly a divorce set in motion over the summer.  The big D finally finished up in the Fall.  Then between Fall and Winter I decided to get myself around the H-ship again, thinking we could focus on friendship and really take a look into why we always seem to fail when together.  What I hadn’t planned on came to me in loads & loads, CLOSURE.

Who knew.  Any regret I may have had was slowly (yet quickly) washed away.  I learned a whole lot this year about myself and people in general.  Instead of rambling on like a mad woman, I am going to list the shit out.  There is still time if you have a lesson to learn…so read this and make sure you learned something valuable this year.  If you didn't you may want to rethink your time on Facebook and the Internet.

1.  Some lessons you have to learn over and over.  Sometimes the first time wasn't enough, or the second, third …sometimes you gotta just keep at that shit!
2.  No matter how much you do for someone there is a chance they will not only shit on you, they will also continue to act like they aren't shitting on you while they do.
3.  The friend who fucks up over and over and then plays dumb about it, is actually not your friend at all, this year  I learned what a true “frenemy”  was.
4.  I can light a fire in my fireplace and not set off the smoke alarm!
5.  I am not responsible for you or your actions.
6.  I wont tolerate a liar in my personal life.  Professionally, there isn’t much I can do, but at home…no thank you!
7. Religious people piss me off.  No one cares to hear about how many Sundays you went to church, no one cares how blessed you are right after listening to you call your child a selfish asshole.  I learned that people who talk about it over and over are usually the ones trying to convince themselves that they are good. 
8. Watching wrestling with the Kitten has been awesome!  Seeing her enjoy something like that just makes my heart happy!!  Oh and Rowdy Roddy Piper follows Kitty’s Sarcasm on Twitter.  Yah, all cause the Kitten one day said, you should do twitter too! lol A commercial thing for WWE and yah…here we are….all of our posts on FB go to Twitland and things are good.  I learned that it’s fun to be a kid again.  I had forgotten that over the past year or two before.  Had been focusing on grown up shit…yah…that shit is BORING!  MORE KID FUN = BETTER LIFE!
9.  Through the dark comes the sparkle.  Thank you to the faithful Manalopes & Bitchachos who have been with me since Spring time.  It was a dark time in my life, learning to live again…I learned that complete strangers sometimes are better friends than the people who are in your everyday life and just too busy to check in on you or have a minute for anyone other than themselves. 
10.  I am “that friend" that is constantly calling and checking in with people (when I say constant I mean, I am the caller-the person reaching out 99% of the time)in my life.  I also came to a realization that I am tired of making sure everyone is okay.  Call me selfish, but in 2013,  I am going to worry about me and the Kitten.  The rest can eat tomatoes.   It’s not my job to make people happy.  It’s my job to raise a wonderful human and make the world a better place…that is it.  I am over being the person everyone calls when they need something rather than just to say hello to.   Not everyone in my life does this apply to, but a majority it does.  A true friend is that, true.    I think I know who the true are.  We will see.  Leaving many people in the dust of 2012 and I am okay with that. 
11. Even with nothing, in the depths of despair and ruin…you can survive and rise up.  Choose your attitude and deal with the turmoil one thing at a time.  Sparkle, Think Positive and Let PINK take over!  (I aint jokin’ here!)
12. There isn't anything that can be handed over to me – positive or negative – that I cannot “HANDLE”!  I got it. 
13.  I may trip sometimes; I may fumble sometimes… but mostly… the most important reminder of 2012…. With the right attitude I can conquer EVERYTHING!  I got this!  Shooooot!

      I leave it like that.  Thirteen things I learned, relearned or had a refresher on.  One thing I take away from 2012 is that I can love, I can trust, I can give….and even when disappointed by others, I can continue to do these things without too much bitterness trailing alongside me.   

PMA!  Super important!  POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE!  

s    

     

       Oh and one last thing….

    I want to try and live each day like it’s December!      You know… like the Holidays are here with me all the time.  
        Smell stuff, listen to stuff, sing more,         dance more,laugh more….LIVE!

Instead of 12 months of 2013, I plan to have one long DECEMBER!  I sure hope I can remember each day!  Maybe a sign posted in the bathroom mirror will be needed, either way…it’s happening!

SWEET BABY PINK BEAR COMIN' FOR 2013!

“Well, I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if 
I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.” 
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

So there it is!  Nothing Sarcastic or funny…just a lil blog about the year ending and a new year beginning.  Taking over with Sparkles and PINK as usual but with more purpose than before.... I hope you can hear what it is that is not being said here....it's the most important!

“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life 
span is a mere five to fourteen days.” 
― Ellen DeGeneres,

OKAY!  HERE IT IS.....

I AM WELCOMING 2013 with OPEN ARMS!  

Much love and success to all my 

MANALOPES & BITCHACHOS!  

Let's do something great this year!!!

Boyfriend in a Box

Dear Kitty,

My boyfriend asked me if we are going to exchange gifts this year for Christmas.  I asked him what he thought.  He said he thought we should just not do it and spend the money on "our loved ones".  We have been dating for a year and serious for close to 7 months by Christmas.  I am so shocked and hurt.  How could I not be considered a loved one?  I quickly got off the phone with him and didn't say anything.  I already bought his gift.  My best friend says I should return it because he avoidably doesn't care enough to know how important this holiday is to me.  My sister says that giving is for giving and not for getting and to give him the gift if I love him and that I need to ignore my best friend's advice.  I am writing to you to ask what you think.  I know you give blunt honest and fun answers.  Please throw in some real advice for me too!  I am just so torn on what to think, feel and do here.

Megan

Dear Megan -

I have a whole lot to say to you, thank you for writing in.  This is a perfect topic for all of us (Manalopes & Bitchachos) to discuss.  

First of all, the advice I give is real.  I do not consult a magic eight ball, although now that I think about it... I am going to have to do that from time to time.  Great idea.  I was a bit miffed by your suggestion that I am not providing "real" advice, but with your same suggestion you gave me an idea to improve Advice Wednesday, with a magic eight ball - YOU ARE REDEEMED!

About this boyfriend not knowing how important Christmas is to you....
Is your boyfriend one of those plastic and tinfoil models straight out of the box that comes with instructions and mind reading capabilities?  Not everyone is in love with Christmas like you and I.  He may not be into it and feels like he is obligated to give to his family and will do it but it's ok to be himself with you.  
He may also have 3 other girlfriends and figures that buying for four just isn't in the stars this year.  I mean how embarrassing would it be if you all ran into one another with the same necklace with a "his" charm on it. 
He may also just be a normal guy and not have a clue about gift giving  - again if you want him to know something you have to tell him.  Not all guys are natural givers of the gifts.  

About your sister and your bestfriend - Who is in a normal relationship that is lasting?  Go with that one.  If neither ignore 'em both!  And quite honestly, it's not a matter of doing what someone tells you to, it's about asking yourself some questions:



1.) Do you love this guy?
2.) Do you feel his love back?
3.) What did this guy do for your birthday?
4.) Is your boyfriend a mind reader?
5.) How serious are you and your boyfriend?
6.) Can your boyfriend afford a gift?
7.) How important is a gift to you, truly?
8.) What is it you want for Christmas? (You can always just get it for yourself after you return his gift if that is the way you go)
9.) Is your refrigerator running?
10.) Is this man worth all of this stress?  How old are you guys?

So there you have it.  I cannot answer your question or fix your dilemma, I do not have enough information.  With that being said, feel free to give me more details so I can give it to you like you want it.

With the information you have provided I am going to go with - Take that shit back and get yourself something real nice.  This is of course assuming your boyfriend is a mind reader or you have already told him how important this is to you.  I mean c'mon...this isn't about a gift - it's about him saying "loved ones" and you feeling insecure about not being loved.  I am going to throw a handle full of marbles in the dark and guess that you have no idea where your relationship is at with this guy and are grasping for some sort of sign or something... HONEY, HERE IS THE ONLY SIGN YOU WILL GET!

~*Kitty*~

Crimes I cannot List

I had one of those day that just was a real pisser.  Reason being...no real good reason at all.  I suppose lack of sleep, the healing feet that aren't quite where they should be in the process, the kitten is sick with a viral chest cold thing, it's raining like cats n dogs (which normally, I love but..not when I have to wear flip flops while my feet heal up)... Yah...that's all I got.   


Anything else I bring up could be used against me in a Ukrainian court of llamas or some sort of Chinese work camp detention time out clinic.  I had this great idea for a blog.  



I had words spewing from my brain.  I did not have a pen and paper, I did not have a computer and just as I was opening up an app to type in my phone, the sucker died on me.

Big Lessons...

I am going to focus on my now blank brain and say to myself, wasn't meant to be written about.  I mean seriously, I hear llamas like thick girls for lunch and I am just not up for being violently torn apart limb by limb and eaten alive...nope...not me...not today.

So instead I am taking a prescription for musical calming and restoration.  

Here is what is on the list so far...
So sit down if you're having one of those days you want to shout about and possibly scream about and breathe with me.

There is no use worrying.  Let it go... Well, I am trying to because Lord knows I look good in pink skirts like Sargent Llama but not so well behind behind metal bars like our fellow Kitty's Army Sublieutenant, Squeakers..  

It could be worse is what I keep telling myself.  I could just blab it all out and end up in serious 'ish with all this and to be quite honest...I have a moisture-pak in my hair to deep condition it, if they came for me now, I wouldn't have time to rinse.  Now that is a mess I am not willing to let take place!  If I am going down for serious crimes of  "I cant list them sorry", I need my hair did right!


   

Now where the hell was I?

Oh, yes...music, breathing and where is the peace-pipe that goes along with this fantasy I am going to sell myself to feel to better?  Anyone?  Puff Puff Pass? C'mon...

 
It just seriously comes down to passive aggressive people who assume they are smarter than everyone around them.  I have a few options but honestly, being I have a heart that is empty of hate and a mind that is sharp like a razor blade (most of the time), I am taking the elevator to the next floor instead.  Seriously, who needs this kind of crap.  I mean just say how you feel and act how you are.  I have to admit being around someone like this makes it hard not act the same way and I am just sick to my stomach over what I am becoming being around it.  I am soooooo over it.  So maybe a cell with a pink skirt is calling my name.  Maybe I will be a llama's lunch, but by, God... I will get off on the next floor afterward and say, don't trip on your way down stairs, sir!  Hell is waiting for you!
Ok, I am ranting.  Need to get back to listening to the tunes as prescribed by Dr. DMO.  Oh and btw, if you are reading this and you know the DMO, we may have a blog collaboration coming on at some point in the future, so that makes me feel all sparkly and definitely less homicidal.

I just remembered... I forgot to rinse my hair! For fuck's sake, it's gonna fall out isn't it!  Just let the Llama eat me and the Chinese give me a time out.  A bald Kitty...

WAIT, WOAH... Gotta stop myself.


HAHA!  I am finally laughing.  I almost went on a rant about a bald Kitty. I will let you all take over for me.

Thanks for the drugs, DMO, and thanks for the Therapy to all my Manalopes & Bithachos!

Give me the pills and no one gets HURT

I am feeling like a floating fairy panda.  The Vicodin has kicked in full force and my broken big toe is not killing me.  A broken toe isn’t so bad, but when you break it 36 hours after having foot surgery because you slipped in some mud and slid like a ballerina on ice – you know some sorta fucked up ice-charades or capades or whatever you call it….just imagine Kitty sliding in mud on flip flops in her bandaged toes and KA-BOOM she hits the ground in slow motion and is covered in mud.  

So today I was a mess more than yesterday.  Finally broke down and picked up meds from pharmacy.  

Here is a conversation I had via msgr with the Queen Bitch from DMO today while trying to get my drugs...:

Kitty: what a shit show. so irritating. I am laughing about it now but the new wrong pharmacy says my bday isn't my bday so my insurance isn't working. I looked at her and said look u wanna see my id too. I know my bday. my toe is killing me I just stood in line for 30 mins at my pharmacy to find out it is actually at this one and waited 15 mins for u to tell me I don't know my bday or insurance all of a sudden forgot it???? she said well you can call them yourself if you want. I said no and asked what it was without insurance. She said 12.60$ . So you are stressing me over 13 bucks lady? just give it to me! she says u have to pay... Duh lady. Fucking retards. So I saw a sign as we walked out by a Xmas tree asking about a new pharmacy made the kitten pose and we hustled over to the grocery store because I forgot to order laundry soap and then found james bond to amuse me. Home now.... not doing anything else. the world can fuck right off.

Kitty: I am laughing btw. All is good.

TBQ: not for long! yer gonna kill me! i just posted our conversation to dmo wall..yer gonna leave me and take the kids and goldfish now right? i'm just watching 'UP!' the cartoon, i am so in love with this movie man! i am crying with laughter! i'll be back at commercials to check yer vitals and make sure you haven't died yet! xoxoxo

Long

 Long story short this minor lil procedure on my feet is seriously fucked on so many levels.  However, now that I am wonderfully numb and high on the vic….who cares!  Just cut the fuckers off and let me become the old lady that is always taking her shoes off to show everyone her lil piggies that she has named, Nub 1-10! 

“Get a load of my NUBS!”

If you don’t follow what I am saying no worries. Most don’t when I am sober.  And now that I am not….you’re doomed for sure.  I sure hope TBQ makes my toe caskets in hot pink and black.