I'm not sure where to start with 2016. Even years tend to be a real pill for me. I suppose being born on an even year sure set me up for that one.
I typically tell stories from my year and accompany the stories with songs that made the year bearable. I don't see why I should change that theme now.
I spent a lot of time with friends this year and I loved it. I missed a lot of friends as well. I even lost a friend this year. She's in another place most likely planning to haunt me any time now. I welcome that. I also spent time this year wondering why in the world I was wasting time with those who don't deserve my time. Luckily, I was able to move past those situations quickly.
I took a new job this year with the same company I have been at. It's been time consuming, difficult, and very rewarding. I have nothing sarcastic or snarky to say about it. Seriously. I am so glad I did.
Let's talk about the dates I went on this year. That's always a nice list. (For the faithful few who follow my NYE posts annually, you know how I love to list!!)
He didn't seem like a pig at first. I was pumping gas (this is the third time that I can be certain of that I have been asked out at a gas station in my life - that seems like a lot. Why I don't see the red flag glaring at me is beyond me - next time for sure!) and he asked me if I wanted to go out sometime. We went out. He said about 10-15 minutes into it..."you look bigger than I remember you". That date never really started if you ask me. What a complete pig.
My advice to this guy for his future - go fuck yourself. I imagine you'll get good at that with being alone forever.
If you're not alone forever make sure you cook your own meals because one day the girl with the low self-esteme that you're with...she's gonna poison the shit outta ya buddy! #squeeeee
2. Liar Face Fat Mouth - Peter Pan Mofo
He was a lot of the things I wanted in someone. The problem was - we were never on the same page. One minute it was like we were dating and the next like we were pals who fuck. Honestly, it got weird, then it got okay, then it got weird, then it got over. I can say I am pissed at myself for this one. I should have said FUCK THIS SHIT the minute I realized he didn't give a shit. I did know this. I looked right past it. Because the minute I realized it - two minutes after that he started going on about the future and planning shit with me and...ahhh fuck that guy. He was fun for a minute. The sex wasnt half bad. He just loved himself so much he couldn't even begin to care for anyone else. I can't believe that I let myself get twisted up in his bullshit. I don't even recognize the broad I was when "hanging out" with this mother fucker. Because don't fucking call going on dates - "dating"!
AHAHAHAHA! NO HE ISN'T!
He was a super smart guy in a lot of ways. Had my favorite uncle's birthday, I thought this was going to be something down the road. It just ended up making me a mental case. I drank a lot during that time. I am so glad it's over.
He seriously missed out. I am a big deal, people know me. On a very serious note the whole thing sucks because even though he was shitty in that sense to me I did enjoy his friendship. I think that some men stick their dick in something it can immediately turn them into fucking lunatics who do not know how to act. If I could give him any advice for the future - for his future. Learn to fucking communicate, buddy. This whole thing could have been avoided had you communicated.
3. GI Joe - Oatmeal Guy
I ran like my life depended on it.
So that sums up the dates, etc that I recall at this very moment of 2016. Shortly after this last guy, Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America. Men literally let me down all of 2016! I will say this - NOT ALL MEN. I have a great group of men in my life from family, friends, Manalopes, etc. Just a shit ton bullshit from people with penises this year came my way is all I am saying. I am not hating. It just makes sense. The political climate that is. When I go back and read about these men I went on dates with and what happened. It's not a coincidence the lack of respect for women shown. <- Okay, Okay! I will stop this rant. But it's eerie isn't it!
NOW LET'S WATCH SOME CATS AND CALM THE FRICK DOWN:
The Kitten and I had a rough year
that was also lovely.
There is something to be said about how horribly fantastic it is being the mother of a teenage girl. I mean really.
I have vowed to conduct all of our arguments on our front porch in 2017.
That way the entire neighborhood can hold up cards rating the scene we cause.
I just really don't know what else to say. 2016 literally sucked the life right out of me.
Who gets sick on the last few days of a year??
Oh, that's right! Me! And don't worry The Kitten is sick too.
So enjoy the last few hours of 2016 the best you can! We plan to stay hydrated on champagne (for me) and sparkling cider (for The Kitten) and lots of cold remedies. We will dance around the house at midnight, light sparklers, and bang pots n pans loudly to piss off our neighbors as usual! It will be a thing! We will be sick but we will have fun damn it! Fun!! Real fucking fun! And if the police come...well..then you'll know we did it right. We'll make sure to have bail money in our pockets and our running shoes on (you know just in case we think we can run without breathing).
For a look at last year's post: Good Night 2015
LET 2017 BE A YEAR WE CAN ALL FIND STRENGTH, LOVE, PEACE, SUCCESS, AND CLARITY IN. AND PLEASE, GOD! PLEASE! MAKE SURE THERE IS NOT A VODKA OR CHAMPAGNE SHORTAGE! WE'RE ALL GONNA NEED THAT SHIT!!
Smoochie,
Kitty
