Good Night 2015

From where I sit right now, the year was pretty good I suppose.  Compared to a year where an apocalypse swallowed the universe?!?!

Truth be told, I would be a selfish asshole if I didn't give the year credit for what it taught me...so...

CREDIT!  <- there it is!

Every year (since the last one or two years lmao) I put together a year end blog and usually actually always use music to light the blog journey through year with a list or something... you can check out the links below.  I bet they all sound the same.  I learned this.  This was an injustice.  Glad it's over.

2014 Kitty's Sarcasm Year End Bloggy Blog

2013 Kitty's Sarcasm Year End Bloggy Blog

2012 Kitty's Sarcasm Year End Bloggy Blog

Here I am closing out 2015 and I wonder honestly to myself....I wonder if I have lost my funny? Have I lost the mojo to keep this Kitty's Sarcasm thing going?

Then I snap out of it and remember how amazing my Manalopes and Bitchachos are....and I kick my own ass for even thinkin' of taking a long break.

So here it is...the music that inspired my year and the list of shit I learned, the injustices, the part where thank frickin goat nuggets the year is ending, and the wooohooo hooray shit.

Cancer sucks.

It don't matter what kind.  It's a mutha fuckin' evil straight from the devil himself and I hate that it exists.  I really wish I was smarter...if I was I would cure the shit outta it.  I would.  Unfortunately, I sat next this guy named, Guy in Biology and he was so frickin' hot!  I spent my entire junior year in science drooling over that guy.  Thanks, Guy! Now I cannot save the world because you were too hot (in case he's reading this).  I did end up making out with that guy (haha) on multiple occasions after we were outta high school....man...I wonder what happened to him?  Shit...see...this is why I let the world down...because I get distracted by hotness.  Forgive me.  I almost forgot about the ugly scar on my right nipple that 2015 brought my way.  I hope you forgot about your scars this year listening to my rants and posts for a minute or two as well.

  

I living in Washington.  That's a fact!  I feel like there isn't a way other people in other areas could feel as lucky as I do to live in such a beautiful state....I mean really.  It's just me! Right!

I don't have this big list like in the year's past.  This year really shined to me who I am and what I want for myself and family.  I am more than okay in life and with who I am.  I really just spent the year continuing to get acquainted with myself and more so acquainted with where I want to be.

Fuck, I am surviving being a mom to a teenager, man!  That in itself is no wonder I am outta words! I  quit smoking for realzz this year too so...yah...it's been a year.

This song here by Alessia Cara is probably my favorite song of 2015.  It's lovely and it samples another of my all time fave songs........

I am happy to enter 2016 healthy and quiet.  I cannot tell you all what is in store for Kitty's Sarcasm...there is a calm that has come over me in the past year that makes me wonder where 2016 will take me...where it will take us...just saddle up with me...I am hoping you'll trust me in the next year...we might take some pit stops and make a few u-turns.



Good Night 2015 - No Regrets and Hello 2016....



2016 brings some big changes....walk with me and choke on the leaves while I figure it all out....oh and don't forget the flask...vodka please!!

Christmas 2015

My Christmas is gonna be rad...I hope yours is too.


Merry Christmas to all of my Manalopes & Bitchachos!


Love,

Kitty

Too Thinky At The Holidays

It’s the end almost to 2015.  I log onto the computer because I plan to type for a while and decide my laptop just isn’t going to cut it.  What in the frick was I thinking?  This is the computer that The Kitten uses for school.  My palm now is covered in some sort of sticky substance.  My guess…it’s dried up lemonade or soda.  Of course!  I just got done re-explaining to her for the millionth time what “Clean your bathroom” & “My bathroom is clean” actually mean.  Wait…what am I doing here?

Oh yes…Kitty’s holiday card and recap of 2015.  This will be interesting…I don’t have a plan for this holiday letter/card/thingy.  Should I have don’t an outline first or a brain storm?

I’m vaping at the desk now…shit.  Don’t tell anyone!  The Cat can’t even see me.  Phew! Shit, I just googled some facts.  I was gonna make this fancy, I was thinky.  I need some tunes....

This is what I found:

 

2015 Top Songs: Billboard

November 23 2014 – January 10 2015	Taylor Swift - Blank Space	7
January 11 – April 18 2015	Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars - Uptown Funk	14
April 19 – May 30 2015	Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth - See You Again	12 (6)
May 31 – June 6 2015	Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar - Bad Blood	1
June 7 – July 18 2015	Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth - See You Again	12 (6)
July 19 – August 15 2015	OMI - Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)	6 (4)
August 16 – 22 2015	Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face	3 (1)
August 23 – September 5 2015	OMI - Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)	6 (2)
September 6 – 12 2015	Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face	3 (1)
September 13 – 19 2015	Justin Bieber - What Do You Mean?	1
September 20 – 26 2015	Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face	3 (1)
September 27 – November 7 2015	Weeknd - The Hills	6
November 8 –	Adele - Hello	3

Source: Billboard

I was attempting to get all fancy and thinky on ya…yah that just aint yer dear ole, Kitty.  Back to being me and not caring if you think this is great or not.  Cause you know what?  I mean really?  Do you know, WHAT?  I am curious.  Because, what, has been evading my capture for quite some time these days.

This year has been weird.  I’ve battled some illness and come out on the other side.  Shit, now that fricken Adele song is in my head….

Well, here is what I decided.  You all are not getting a form letter from me.  Those who messaged me with their addresses to get holiday cards…you’re going to get a hand written card.

 

As for the rest of you….you’re important to me too.  I need to think about this more.

So get ready for time to go by while I get my thinking hat on!

 

More to come! XOXO

The year of 2016 is coming...we must discuss the 2015 so we can all flush it and begin a new!  I mean you're looking towards me for that WHATS of this all, right?  Or am I just putting too much emphasis on WHAT and ME?

Smoochie,

Kitty

 

Cheers!




PS: I didn't even re-read or spell check this one...you're welcome!

 

Attention: @hole parents

It's Rant Day! 

Listen up and Listen well...

With Summer being here...it's fuckin' HOT outside. I 

have seen at least two reports this week of small 

children being left in cars alone.

Attention Parents & All People who have small 

children in their life:

I do not buy that you are forgetting your kids in the 

car. Who in the fuck forgets their kids? Home Alone 

was a fictional movie franchise not something 

normal.

Now I see that Walmart is going to carry a devise to remind people their kids are in the car...
WHAT?

Don't be a fuckin' asshole...take care of our children. Don't blame your lazy and irresponsible decisions to leave your kid in the car while you go buy a pack of smokes or run to grab a gallon of Grey Goose for yourself on "forgetting your kid in the car'! NO! You didn't forget. You're just an asshole.

If someone actually did forget, that child needs to be removed from that person's care. Our children need more care and concern than that.

Rant almost over...

One last thing...If I run into this situation...I am saving your kid and then beating your ass with what ever item you went to purchase while leaving the kiddo(S) in the car.

Rant Over,

Kitty

Hot Summer

It's Summer in Seattle.  Like freakin' scortchin' Summer here.  We are not used to so many days in the upper 80's and 90's like this.  Don't get me wrong...I aint complainin'!  I just wish I had known we'd have a Summer like this in April when I bought a ton of new clothes that turns out are not for the Summer! lol  So the world (mainly my co-workers and loved ones) will have to deal with seeing me in the same outfits over and over.  Maybe even back to back to back days.

I am sure I had a point to all of this....oh yah.....it's Summer!  Aint no time for the Fashion Police!!



In other news, The Kitten is moody, I am fat, and our cat is lazy. I suppose other than the weather it's a typical Summer here!

Today I received an Advice Wednesday message from a fan.  Are you ready to help?



Dear Kitty's,
My supervisor of 4 years has asked me to attend a wedding with him.  I have no idea why he would ask me and feel weird either way.  What would Kitty do?
Thank you,
Kimberly

Dear Kimbo-

First things first.  Did you find out if it's an open bar????

I need to know that before answering this letter!


Smoochie!

Kitty

It's Not Advice Wednesday!

It's Advice Wednesday...

I don't have a lot advice but I do have some story to talk about the past 24/36 hours ...ready?

Picture this...imagine you're with me...

It's a typical Monday.  I went to work..blah blah blah.  I had to leave about an hour early to take The Kitten to the dentist.  We have been going to our dentist since The Kitten was about three or four, FOREVER.  Our dentist is amazing.  She's kind, gentle, and tells it like it is.  I like that about her.

She doesn't throw out the occasional f~bomb like I'd prefer, but she's gotten the job done (even an emergency root canal one Thanksgiving night ~ Apparently, I will do anything to avoid the in-laws)!  Her lobby is typically boring.  There are pictures on the wall that haven't changed.  They are very "officey".  There is one picture of what looks like Venice (I haven't been to Venice so ...I am making an non-educated guess here...It's Venice to me, dammit!), I used to enjoy staring at it...now it just is boring...

Wait, I had a story here didn't I?!?!  Oh yes...
The lobby is always quiet with some Celine Dion or Amy Grant playing over head.  Sometimes we are the only ones in there.  Sometimes someone is coming or going.  Never any big deal.  Well Monday was different.  We walked in and there was a young woman sitting down - no big deal.  We checked in and sat down.  Next thing we know in walks in the biggest butt crack I've seen in ages.  I am not kidding!  Dude walks in with four inches of butt crack hanging out.  I swear it whispered to us, "I am here and I aint coverin' up for no one!".  In a moment of trying to protect The Kitten's eyes and save her from the horror, I said to her, "DONT LOOK!".  So what does she do?  She looks.  I then pulled out my phone and text her.  Apparently, I have failed as a parent because she never got the memo that if you're sitting right next to someone and they text you...you do not read their text out-loud to them for clarification.
"Mom, what does 'Someone didn't get the memo that the crack of dawn has already passed!' mean?  Is that a typo?"
I sank down in my chair and went with it.  While this took place dude was taken back to an exam room showing his large crack loud and proud again.

The Kitten was then called back.  I sat there thinking to myself....finally, I can sit and detox the day and think about clever posts for Kitty's Sarcasm next week...productive shit, right!?!
Out of no where I hear "OHHH!  NO! AHHHH, OOHHH, LORD HELP ME!". It came from the exam rooms area.  It wasn't The Kitten.  I got up and asked the front desk person what was going on.  I was told someone had been there for about an hour and was having anxiety and freaking out.  Then rushes in police and the fire department.  What in the world is going on here!  I start hearing banging and loud noises.  The lady is apparently losing her mind and throwing shit because she cannot have more gas.  GIVE THAT WOMAN MORE GAS!!  Maybe she will calm the fuck down!!  Then in comes the paramedics...long story short that was one expensive tooth cleaning or what ever for that gal and The Kitten doesn't have any cavities.

You would think that might be enough excitement for one night...nope...we got home around 6pm and by 7pm I was puking.  I thought maybe it was just from stress.  I  have been putting a lot of pressure on myself at work to be successful and maybe I needed to just shift that gear down for the night...nope...puked on and off until 2 am Tuesday morning and then came the explosive diarrhea at 6am...



By noon I started to feel human was able to eat, keep it down and stay off the porcelain thrown for the most part. By 4 pm the stomach issues came back and...ugh...I wont bore you with the shitty details....

And now let's back up to 7:30 am on Tuesday...The Kitten was headed to school when I get a call that she got a bloody nose and was covered in blood. I had to get myself together to rescue her!! My baby!! She cannot wear her PE clothes all day...that would be social destruction for her!!
But should I leave the house really?
I mean seriously...puke, shit, bloody nose...What The Fuck is going on here UNIVERSE!!!! Needless to say, The Kitten made it home to change and to school and I did not puke or shit on myself making this happen for her...so Tuesday was a productive day too if you measure it by those standards.
I will say that after all the time I have spent in the down stairs bathroom, I have decided to redecorate it.  I am thinking a jungle theme.  Sounds fun! Or maybe a full on Star Wars theme.  It's still tinkering in my head for now.

So here we are!  It's The Crack of Dawn (When Crack Is Okay!) on Wednesday!  I have no advice today to share for Advice Wednesday.  Okay, that's a lie.  I have some!  I am gonna go make Camel Day my bitch (just as soon as I get this literal shit show under control!!)...you should too!

BE YOU!  ROCK YOU!  ENJOY LIFE! DRINK VODKA!

If It Aint Broke....

The last post you have seen from Kitty's Sarcasm in blog form was closing out 2014 and ringing in 2015.  Now it's the middle of March.  Literally, the middle of March.  I have had some writers block.  Call it a lack of inspiration, a mind that is occupied with too many other things to feel the flow of creativity...I don't know...  I do know that I need get back to writing more and back to entertaining you all...right?!?!  I know!

Let's start by sharing a few things that have been happenin' behind the scenes in Kitty-land...

I know how you all love randomness for no reason...



1. I started a new job in the past year and while it's been stressful starting up...I finally am no longer working for a fuckin' prick!  So there is that.  I am happy.



2. I am currently in some sort of phase...I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis...maybe a reinvention of me.  Regardless, I am good with it.  The little things like my love for Mia Wallace will never change.

 

3. I am pretty sure the only reason I do not down a gallon of vodka per day might have to do with the fact that I am petrified of going to prison.  Mainly because I look hideous in nude colors, yellow, and orange!

 

 

 

4. I plan to spend another year single.  No mingle mingle.  Just single.  I am kinda enjoying this.  I mean really.  At what point do we force ourselves to meet people?!? I see no need to.  If it aint broke... 





5. This Uptown Funk song is really catchy.  I find myself walking into rooms doing this dance.  It might end up being the theme song to 2015...it's early though...we will see!! 



6. I bought new make up this year...we will see if I can use it better than this lil kid. 



7.  I did get some cancer thing.  It's really not a super big deal but I have been consumed with it.  Being the insane worrier that I am..it got the better of me for the first few months of this year.  I am not completely cancer free as of today, but I am close to it.  It's nothing major.  It's being killed currently with Chemo Cream of all things.  Who knew!  Right.  They have a cream for that now?!?!?!  I know, I was like "Well sign me up for that too!" haha  Now that I know that I am stayin' alive...I think I will be back to myself soon...


That's all I got so far. Workin' on the writers block...

Workin' on doin' me!

Kitty Over & Out!