PSYCHO

Dear Kitty's Sarcasm,

Please do not use my name.  I have friends on here that are fans and would be mortified if they knew it was me that was writing this.  Can you just copy and paste my email that is highlighted in yellow?

I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me.  I put laxative in his coffee this morning. He spent the day home in the bathroom.  I wanted him stay home to talk to him but my plan back fired.  He is asleep now, so I took it as a sign to ask for advice.  How do I confront him?  What should I say?  If he gets mad and breaks  up with me I am not sure what I will do.  I live with him in his house.  Help if you can.

Me

Dear Me,

Ok, I am tripping out a bit feeling like I am writing myself a letter here so bare with me. As for your copy and  paste request, no problem.  Now to your letter!  I hope to God that you are joking about poisoning the man you speak of!!  I mean seriously?  You had to have made that shit up?  You couldn't be that fucking crazy could you?

I have no advice to you other than pack your shit and move out before he wises up and presses charges against you for what you did and for being fucking nuts.

I am honestly so pissed right now at the thought that you probably did do this that I am going to leave this reply at this.

Get some mental health help asap!!


Kitty

Weddings, Drug Smugglers & Advice

Kitty,

My sister and I are in an argument over the man I am engaged to.  I asked her to be my maid of honor and she said yes.  Now 6 months later and a month into planning the wedding she told me over the weekend that she refuses to attend my wedding at all.  She hates my fiance.  I have no idea what to do.  My whole family will be upset.  Advice?

Sad Sister

Dear Sad Sister,

Once again I receive a letter with little information.  How can I help you if you do not give me the reason she is refusing?????

I will go with the assumption that her reason is that he is a MDS (Mexican Drug Smuggler).  I think your sister might be right here.  Your safety is important.  Seems to me he is being a lil stingy on sharing the goods with the family, no wonder they will all be upset!  I bet they are already upset!  I suggest you find a way to get him to turn his selfishness into selflessness.  Either he coughs up some goods to make up for your safety issues or he moves the fuck along and finds a crack whore to settle down with.

Oh and by the way, if you are close with your sister you should consider the fact that she is probably right!


That is all.

Love,

Kitty