A Year of Mean REDS - 2016

2016 is coming to an end...can you believe it...another year with Kitty's Sarcasm.  Interestingly enough, it feels like yesterday we started this thing.  And yet, at the same time, it feels like six million years ago.

I'm not sure where to start with 2016.  Even years tend to be a real pill for me.  I suppose being born on an even year sure set me up for that one.

I typically tell stories from my year and accompany the stories with songs that made the year bearable. I don't see why I should change that theme now.

I spent a lot of time with friends this year and I loved it.  I missed a lot of friends as well.  I even lost a friend this year. She's in another place most likely planning to haunt me any time now.  I welcome that.  I also spent time this year wondering why in the world I was wasting time with those who don't deserve my time.  Luckily, I was able to move past those situations quickly.

I took a new job this year with the same company I have been at.  It's been time consuming, difficult, and very rewarding.  I have nothing sarcastic or snarky to say about it. Seriously.  I am so glad I did.

Let's talk about the dates I went on this year.  That's always a nice list.  (For the faithful few who follow my NYE posts annually, you know how I love to list!!)

1. Gas Station Guy - Pig

He didn't seem like a pig at first.  I was pumping gas (this is the third time that I can be certain of that I have been asked out at a gas station in my life - that seems like a lot.  Why I don't see the red flag glaring at me is beyond me - next time for sure!) and he asked me if I wanted to go out sometime.  We went out.  He said about 10-15 minutes into it..."you look bigger than I remember you". That date never really started if you ask me.  What a complete pig.
My advice to this guy for his future - go fuck yourself.  I imagine you'll get good at that with being alone forever.
If you're not alone forever make sure you cook your own meals because one day the girl with the low self-esteme that you're with...she's gonna poison the shit outta ya buddy!  #squeeeee



2.  Liar Face Fat Mouth  - Peter Pan Mofo

He was a lot of the things I wanted in someone.  The problem was - we were never on the same page. One minute it was like we were dating and the next like we were pals who fuck.  Honestly, it got weird, then it got okay, then it got weird, then it got over.  I can say I am pissed at myself for this one.  I should have said FUCK THIS SHIT the minute I realized he didn't give a shit.  I did know this.  I looked right past it. Because the minute I realized it - two minutes after that he started going on about the future and planning shit with me and...ahhh fuck that guy.  He was fun for a minute.  The sex wasnt half bad.  He just loved himself so much he couldn't even begin to care for anyone else. I can't believe that I let myself get twisted up in his bullshit.  I don't even recognize the broad I was when "hanging out" with this mother fucker. Because don't fucking call going on dates - "dating"!

Maybe he's met a super model now, moved out of his parent's house, and living in California like he planned.

AHAHAHAHA!  NO HE ISN'T!

He was a super smart guy in a lot of ways.  Had my favorite uncle's birthday, I thought this was going to be something down the road.  It just ended up making me a mental case.  I drank a lot during that time.  I am so glad it's over.

He seriously missed out.  I am a big deal, people know me. On a very serious note the whole thing sucks because even though he was shitty in that sense to me I did enjoy his friendship.  I think that some men stick their dick in something  it can immediately turn them into fucking lunatics who do not know how to act.  If I could give him any advice for the future - for his future.  Learn to fucking communicate, buddy.  This whole thing could have been avoided had you communicated.

3. GI Joe - Oatmeal Guy

I met a guy in the military this year.  He was smart, good looking, single, and into me.  Single ended up being a word he didn't comprehend.  Turns out he was engaged to someone else and had a baby on the way with someone else.  That's right!  He had at least two other someone else's.  I found this out by date two thank you, Sweet Baby Jesus!  He asked me to be part of his life.  He wanted to have more than one wife.  FOR REAL!!  Can you see my face!?! Can you imagine my face in that moment?!?!?

I ran like my life depended on it.

So that sums up the dates, etc that I recall at this very moment of 2016.  Shortly after this last guy, Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America.  Men literally let me down all of 2016!  I will say this - NOT ALL MEN.  I have a great group of men in my life from family, friends, Manalopes, etc.  Just a shit ton bullshit from people with penises this year came my way is all I am saying.  I am not hating.  It just makes sense.  The political climate that is.  When I go back and read about these men I went on dates with and what happened.  It's not a coincidence the lack of respect for women shown. <- Okay, Okay!  I will stop this rant.  But it's eerie isn't it!

NOW LET'S WATCH SOME CATS AND CALM  THE FRICK DOWN:

The Kitten and I had a rough year

 that was also lovely.

There is something to be said about how horribly fantastic it is being the mother of a teenage girl.  I mean really.

I have vowed to conduct all of our arguments on our front porch in 2017.

That way the entire neighborhood can hold up cards rating the scene we cause.  



I just really don't know what else to say.  2016 literally sucked the life right out of me. 

As I type this - my head is congested, my throat feels like someone took a cheese grater to it, and my nose is raw! 


Who gets sick on the last few days of a year??  

Oh, that's right!  Me!  And don't worry The Kitten is sick too.  


So enjoy the last few hours of 2016 the best you can!  We plan to stay hydrated on champagne (for me) and sparkling cider (for The Kitten) and lots of cold remedies.  We will dance around the house at midnight, light sparklers, and bang pots n pans loudly to piss off our neighbors as usual!  It will be a thing!  We will be sick but we will have fun damn it!  Fun!! Real fucking fun!  And if the police come...well..then you'll know we did it right.  We'll make sure to have bail money in our pockets and our running shoes on (you know just in case we think we can run without breathing).




For a look at last year's post: Good Night 2015

LET 2017 BE A YEAR WE CAN ALL FIND STRENGTH, LOVE, PEACE, SUCCESS, AND CLARITY IN.  AND PLEASE, GOD!  PLEASE!  MAKE SURE THERE IS NOT A VODKA OR CHAMPAGNE SHORTAGE!  WE'RE ALL GONNA NEED THAT SHIT!!  

Smoochie,

Kitty

2016 is coming to an end...

As the year ends...I think to myself in my favorite fake British accent...

What the fuck was 2016 Thinking?

We lost a beloved Bitchacho, Steph Lannoo.  Just this last week we lost Carrie Fisher and George Michael.  There are countless others gone.  I am saddened by this all.  It's like they just couldn't fathom living in a world with Dumpy in 2017.  I mean Donald Trump.  I think they woulda liked that joke as morbid as it seems.  Maybe not.  I didn't talk politics with Steph ever.  But we did talk about our kids, life, work, the world and people.  She was a warm heart and from what I knew of her and from the Christmas card she sent me in 2015...she was giving.  Very giving and loving.


The year's Kitty's Sarcasm End Of The Year Blog post is dedicated to Stephanie Lannoo and the countless others who lost life in 2016.  Stay tuned on NYE for the post to pop up and dazzle your frazzle or at least keep you entertained from insanity?

I am going to pour some champagne and a shot of vodka to get through this year...maybe more.

I have no idea what to discuss today but I am obsessed with Slow Ass Jolene and The Blacklist.  It's been a year and it's still going strong.  That's all.

Hello May

I started Kitty's Sarcasm as a place to share my "less than appropriate" posts for my friends and family members who had a similar sense of humor.  To no offend anyone close to me, a place to let it all out I suppose.  About three months after that...my ex husband and I split.  That was 2012.  It ended up being an outlet for me to get through divorce, life, motherhood, and everything else. Fast forward to 2016 and here we are.  I have remained single and have dated here and there but this year was the first time since 2011/2012 that I really put myself out there to someone.  Meaning, let my whole guard down.  I showed this man a glimpse of the real me.  Two months of "hanging out" (or what ever the fuck you call it) and he decided to walk away.  I suppose I did too.  It's just the way he did it that really is frustrating.  He didn't have the respect to say it to my face nor the care for me express his thoughts until several weeks after he had made up his mind.  This led to me feeling sad and confused for a few weeks.  Normally, in the past...I would not have let myself feel sad or confused for that long...but something in me apparently has changed in the past four years.  I used to be someone who ran away from complicated or hard.  I stuck around in my confusion waiting.

Waiting for him to come around and at least tell me to fuck off or something.  After two weeks all he could do was ignore me and forget (so he says) plans that we had made.  All he did was show me how little I actually meant to him in return.  So I then stepped back.  He called me this week and we finally talked.  He said he knew I was mad about him forgetting our plans.  I was honest and told him that I was not mad at him at all (I am not mad, I am hurt.  I guess I lied by omission by not telling him how he treated me made cry on several occasions and the last man that made me cry that wasn't a family member was my ex husband and he really is a self ass for not being honest). He told me he needed to take a step back because he couldn't allow himself to get more attached to me.  He told me he was moving (out of the state).  I always knew in the back of my head he may want to move at some point, even though he assured me through the past few months that he had no plans to and even told me that if things were good with us he would stay to see what happens.  He lied to me.  Maybe he even lied to himself, I don't know.  I cannot say if my heart hurts because I love him or loved him.  I am not sure I even know what love is anymore. I mean, it would be nuts to love someone after two months of hanging out and who treated me like garbage in the end. But I can say that it hurts.  Like literally, I am that fucking idiot girl who gets misty eyes when I think about this. I'm trying to be tough. I keep telling myself he must not be worth my time nor my love at some point.  The problem I think I am having with this all is that when I was with him, around him everything made sense.  He made me feel calm.  Anyone who truly knows me knows that I am not usually a super calm person internally.  I am so pissed that I let myself open up.

I am pissed that I even thought it would be a good idea.

Because honestly, initially I didn't think it would be.  I guess mostly, I am just mad at myself for missing someone that could care less about me.  I am upset I let myself turn into this.  I shared things with him that some of the closest people to me do not know or probably recall.  I suppose I can rejoice in the fact that after four years my heart still works and I have not turned into someone who cannot feel for anyone.  I suppose I should be happy that I've proven I am ready to move forward with my life. I just find it so upsetting that I cannot seem to choose correctly....ever.

I am sharing this all because I want to rid myself of this.  I want to be a stone cold heart and get past this.  I want to no longer feel or look foolish for caring for someone too soon or too much and getting nothing but the middle fucking finger in return.  

So in Kitty form...I dump my angst here and leave it.  God, I hope I can leave it.  Because I look and feel like a real fucking idiot. I am so much better than this.  I know it.  You know it. I just need to get myself together.  Fuck!  Someone hand me a vodka martini and tell me suck it up and get over it.  There is no time for this.  I can hear Tom Hanks yelling at me now!

So there it is.  I am gong to get over this and over myself.  I'm assuming this is something where "getting over myself" and "sucking it up" will solve this all for me.  God, I am an asshole.  I hate that I am such an ass-hat that I even am feeling anything like this about this person who literally showed me no regard.  I need to get angry maybe?  Or just pour a drink and trying forget it all. Because anger is the farthest from what I want to feel.   

So this is the end of my foolish adventure with someone I wish I could be angry with but cannot.

OK.

It's time to get back to being happy Kitty!  Who's ready?

That's all.