In my house we're Batman lovers. The
Kitten is obsessed with all things Batman. So when she asked me at the store
last night to buy her a Batman costume (the second time she's been there and
seen it this past week or so), I told her sure but that we were on a budget
this month and she would have to give up something else she wanted this
weekend. So....long story short I convinced her to wait to get it. It's
mid-September for crying out loud. Costume and Halloween is budgeted for
October! I know it's only two weeks away but I am working on teaching her
something here. Something I wish I had better teaching with now lmao.
My point of this all is this hot mess:
(I've had insomnia for a
little over two days now. I'm am currently a walking freak show surviving on
pure adrenaline and a few minutes short of six hours of sleep total in this
time. That's a lil tid-bit to envision while reading the remainder of this post!)
I was in bed last night and
around midnight started thinking about the Batman costume that we saw at the
drug store twice now. After a committee meeting with voices in my noggin, I
realized (rationalized - same same) that it was crazy that I didn't just buy
that costume. It was only $14.99 & 25% off (I won’t go into the scam of an
advertised percentage off of a Halloween costume in mid- September...but
whatever - I call b.s.!), with or without the price off, it was a steal for a
costume and it's all she needed. She had the rest of what she would need at
home already. I mean I really was kickin' my own ass over this. Because when
have I ever gotten away with spending under $15 for a costume for her?!?!?
This morning I ran my
errands and went to the drug store to drop of an rx and buy that damn Batman
costume. While waiting in line at the pharmacy counter I planned out how I
would surprise her with it by just hanging it in her closet to see the next
time she opened it.
Here's where it all went
horribly wrong. The pharmacist had questions for me and then tried to talk me
into a flu shot...I was all kinds of distracted with his questions. When I was done with the pharmacy my phone
rang. Needless to say I went on auto
pilot and left the store with the Batman costume completely vanishing from existence
in my mind. I realized this after I had
been home for an hour or so already and planned to go back to the drug store
before I picked up The Kitten from school today. It was only like 2 hours until that needed to
happen so it would be okay! J
Thirty minutes before it
was time to get The Kitten from school I headed to the store to purchase the
costume. Big fucking shocker, they sold
out in the hour and a half while I was at home.
I went to the first person in uniform I could find and asked when they
would be getting more costumes. He
looked a lot like, Shaggy from Scoobie Doo and had a similar persona about
him. He stared blankly at me and told me
he couldn’t listen to words that fast. I
was apparently talking to fast for him.
I immediately walked away from him and his stare to save his life. I had recognized earlier in the day that I
had no fuse what so ever and that if someone tripped on their own shoelace I
might kick their ass because, “Fuck you, and your shoelace!”. I found out they wont be getting any more
costumes in for the season and blah blah blah.
I asked about whether other locations might have it and if they have a
policy where they could put one on hold somewhere for me close. Some cashier who looked like Mike Tyson and
Peewee Herman’s love child rolled her eyes at me and then said, “Well, I guess
you could call around and see”. (I want
to pause here and ask you a question.
What would you have going through your mind after this princess told you
that, YOU could call and check?). Horrible
customer service, the cashier should have at least offered to give me the phone
numbers or call for me.
So I drove to the mom’s and
pop’s parking lot at The Kitten’s school and arrived a little early and started
‘googling’ that shit on my own and waited for her to get out. Fuck them for not helping me when I clearly
dropped the ball on the costume today.
It’s because of them that this shit is fucked…yah..that’s it!! I was able to locate one out of 6 total
stores close by (close by meaning with in 20 miles) was all. They put it on hold and I felt vindicated and
excited to get this fucking costume. At
this point in the game, the costume is now a do or die mission that I have
taken upon myself to take as serious as pigmy warfare.
I plug that address into my
gps because even thought it’s like 7 miles away, I wasn’t born with an internal
compass. The Kitten and I drive away
from school and I head in the general area of drug store. (What could go wrong now, right?!?) My
navigation/gps in my phone decided to take a total shit and not work. We got lost for 25 minutes. When I say lost, I mean…not like “oh shit I
shoulda left a bread crumb trail” lost, but lost like…driving in circles
looking. I was using voice text to try
and correct the issues while sitting at a stop light. Imagine that shit and how it went. It would recognize what I was saying
perfectly and then tell me it was thinking.
This went on for like 15-20 minutes.
I eventually found that
frickin store on the other side of town.
Turns out today was another day that proved my lacking of an internal
compass. It also turns out this costume
we were getting at 25% off was in the ghetto.
A real shifty part of town I normally want no part in, but I was committed
to the cause and in too deep to turn back.
Are you thinking this is
the longest fuckin’ story ever? Well, to
get to the final point. We got the
costume, we are home now, and the first thing The Kitten says to me is, “Mama,
I think this is too small…”
I am going to fill my
kitchen sink up with my entire liquor cabinet and dunk my entire head in now.
Kitty Over & Out
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